Parenting Children's Talents

Preventing Teenage Depression: Recognizing Children's Successes in All Areas

Here is an interesting article about research regarding how recognizing children's early successes may prevent teenage depression.

Recognizing Children's Successes in All Areas May Prevent Teenage Depression
University of Missoui researcher finds link between early education failure and teenage depression

January 09, 2009, infoZine

Students’ successes in the first grade can affect more than their future report cards. In a new study, University of Missouri researchers found links among students’ weak academic performance in the first grade, self-perceptions in the sixth grade, and depression symptoms in the seventh grade.

“We found that students in the first grade who struggled academically with core subjects, including reading and math, later displayed negative self-perceptions and symptoms of depression in sixth and seventh grade, respectively,” said Keith Herman, associate professor of education, school and counseling psychology in the MU College of Education. “Often, children with poor academic skills believe they have less influence on important outcomes in their life.  Poor academic skills can influence how children view themselves as students and as social beings.”

In the study, MU researchers examined the behaviors of 474 boys and girls in the first grade and re-examined the students when they entered middle school. Herman found that students who struggled academically with core subjects, such as reading and math, in the first grade later showed risk factors for negative self-beliefs and depressive symptoms as they entered sixth and seventh grade. Herman suggests that because differences in children’s learning will continue to exist even if all students are given effective instruction and support, parents and teachers should acknowledge student’s skills in other areas.

“One of the main ways children can get others to like them in school is by being good students. Children with poor academic skills may believe that they have one less method for influencing important social outcomes, which could lead to negative consequences later in life. Children’s individual differences will always exist in basic academic skills, so it is necessary to explore and emphasize other assets in students, especially those with lower academic skill relative to their peers,” Herman said. “Along with reading and math, teachers and parents should honor skills in other areas, such as interpersonal skills, non-core academic areas, athletics and music.”

The researchers also found the effect of academic proficiency on self-perceptions was significantly stronger for girls. Girls who did not advance academically believed that they had less control of important outcomes, a risk factor for symptoms of depression.

The study, “Low Academic Competence in First Grade as a Risk Factor for Depressive Cognitions and Symptoms in Middle School,” was recently published in the Journal of Counseling Psychology.  You can read the research study report by downloading it here: Download Study of early positive reinforcement.

Teen Brain Development: Good judgment is still a work in progress

A group of neuroscientists, the people who study the brain, at Harvard’s Children’s Hospital developed a Teen Brain 101 short course for teens, parents and teachers because they wanted to explain the link between teens' brain development and their periodic poor judgment.  The following excerpt from the Dana Foundation explains the course and provides guidance to parents and teens about focusing on strengths.  It also gives parents a mantra they can say to keep themselves sane during the adolescent years.

After you read this excerpt, you can learn more about how the teen brain develops and its impact on judgment by reading the article Teen Brain’s Ability to Learn Can Have a Flip Side.

Teen Brain 101

As neuroscientists develop a clearer picture of the neural dynamics playing out during adolescence, the findings are helping to explain some of the risky, impulsive, “what were you thinking?” kinds of behaviors for which teens are notorious. But teens, their parents and their teachers may not know about it.

“It’s amazing how little of this information is out there,” said neurologist Frances Jensen of Harvard’s Children’s Hospital.  Fundamental insights that neuroscientists figured out years ago are “just not translating,” she said.

Recently, Jensen teamed up with Harvard neurologist David Urion and a linguistics psychologist from Tufts, Maryanne Wolf, on a community service project to try to remedy this knowledge gap one high school at a time. The idea was simple: talk to kids directly about the dynamic, dramatic changes their brains are undergoing and how that could impact day-to-day choices.

They put together a kind of “Teen Brain 101” short course for teens, their parents and teachers. Parents are invited to evening lectures, and the program is repeated at their children’s school the next morning. This way, “everybody in the community hears the same thing,” Jensen said.

So how do you tell a teenager that the “good judgment” part of his brain isn’t fully developed yet?

“We really try to stress the positive,” Jensen said. “We tell them: ‘This is an age when you’re most likely going to determine where your skill sets will be, so capitalize on what you understand to be your strengths and compensate for your weaknesses. Take hold of this massive power at this point in time, because it isn’t going to get any better.’ ”

As a mother of two teenage boys, Jensen has first-hand knowledge of the sometimes inexplicable behavior of which the “teen species” is capable. And as a neuroscientist, she knows that brain science can help explain at least some aspects of this behavior.

“This has actually helped me to be a more laid-back parent,” she said. “My mantra to myself is, ‘This too shall pass.’ ”

Positive Parent Feedback: How parents can give teachers and coaches positive feedback

When you spend time thinking about someone’s positive qualities and actions, you develop compassion and understanding for them.  This also helps  lower the frustration you may feel toward a teacher or coach about a situation with your child.  By reminding yourself of  the positive qualities of teachers and coaches before you have a difficult conversation with them, you will feel more relaxed and compassionate during the discussion.

By identifying what a teacher or coach does well, you also have the ability to give them positive feedback.  Imagine the life of a teacher or coach: they rarely hear positive feedback about what they are doing.  They typically have everyone demanding things from them or evaluating their every move.  So, parents can be a positive force by giving teachers and coaches positive feedback about what they are doing well.

You should be specific whenever giving feedback.  Simply saying that you appreciate the teacher for his or her hard work is too vague and does not help the teacher know what hard work you appreciate.  You can say instead, “I really appreciate how you come in early and stay late to help Tommy.  He said that you really care about him because you do that.”  As you can tell, this type of feedback is specific and helps the teacher understand the positive consequences of his or her actions.

Try it sometime soon.  The teacher or coach will appreciate it.

Finding the Right Words: How parents can determine what to say to teachers and coaches

To prepare to speak with a  teacher or coach, parents need to know the difference between what they really want to say versus what they should say.  I encourage parents to first write down what they really want to say--the good, bad, and the ugly-- without editing their words.  Keep writing until you run out of ideas.  This process helps you understand your emotions and beliefs about a situation.  Keep in mind that whatever you think and feel is natural and probably shared by other parents in similar situations. 

You should then ask yourself “What should I really say?”  Your objective is to assure that the teacher or coach hears you; does not get defensive; and is motivated to positively help your child after the conversation.  Some parents find it easier to start a conversation by asking a positive, non-judgmental question.  This enables a teacher or coach to share information about the situation so you can better evaluate it and factor it into what you want to say.

A colleague taught me a questioning technique called “playing dumb.”  You ask an open-ended, non-judgmental question about a situation that gives the impression you are puzzled.  For instance, if you are concerned about your daughter riding the bench during a youth softball season, you can ask the coach, “I am wondering if you can give me advice about what my daughter needs to improve to get more playing time?”  This is a neutral question with no preconceived judgment.  It can open the door to a positive conversation with the coach.

When you are planning what to say, you should continue asking yourself what you would like to happen as a result of your conversation with the teacher or coach.  What would satisfy you?  What can you live with?  What can’t you accept?  Finally, what do you think the teacher or coach will recommend to you?  These questions help you determine the solutions you want to negotiate.

Finally, you never want to burn bridges with a teacher or coach by venting your emotions and anger, and getting personal.  While the venting may help you feel good for 60 seconds, the only person who suffers is your son or daughter.  Your primary goal is to have everyone walk away from the conversation positively motivated to help your son or daughter.

Understanding Teachers and Coaches: How parents can better understand teachers and coaches to prepare for conversations

When parents decide that they need to speak directly with a teacher or coach about a situation with their child, they should prepare to have a win-win conversation.  Keep in mind that everyone may have different perceptions about a situation.  Each person sees only one piece of a larger picture so it is important to first understand what your child thinks, then anticipate the teacher’s or coach’s point of view.

To put yourself in a teacher’s or coach’s shoes before a conversation about your child, you can ask yourself the following:

• What do I think motivates the teacher or coach?  For instance, is it test scores or wins?  Is it concern for each child’s development, or simply making it through the day or practice with a bunch of kids who are hard to manage?

• What pressure is the teacher or coach under?  For instance, are they concerned about their jobs because of low test scores or a losing season?  Are they concerned about how they look to their peers and others?  Do they have a difficult situation happening in their personal life? 

• What is the teacher’s or coach’s communication style?  For instance, is the style different or similar to yours? 

• What values do you share with the teacher or coach?  For instance, do you both have a basic value around helping children achieve their full potential?  Do you have the same belief about discipline and motivation?

Your answers to these questions will help you more fully understand a teacher or coach before a conversation and have a discussion that is constructive for your child.

Communicating With Teachers and Coaches: How parents can have great conversations with teachers and coaches

To be an advocate for children’s talent development in school, sports or the arts, parents need to be effective communicators with teachers and coaches.  Because teachers and coaches have different personalities, parents may feel like they need a personalized instruction manual to communicate effectively with each one. 

Unfortunately, no such manual exists, but you can use the tips posted this week to assure you have effective conversations with your children’s teachers and coaches.  Let’s look at the first tip.

Who Is Responsible: Knowing if you or your child should communicate with a teacher or coach

When you want to discuss an issue with teachers or coaches, you need to first determine if you or your child is responsible for communicating with them.  The answer to this question depends on the issue and your child’s age and maturity.  Some issues, such as poor performance and a teacher’s perceived bias, need adult conversations.  Other issues, such as getting an extension on a paper, should be handled by your child.

If you determine that your child is responsible, you will need to suggest it to him or her, but you may get the typical push back.  While most children will initially resist, these moments are good for teaching self-reliance skills.  One of my clients recently told me about when she told her twelve year old son that he needed to talk with a teacher about a test grade: 

She said, “When I mentioned it to him, he acted like I was asking him to go to the prom with his sister.  I realized that he needed help finding the right words to use.  After he calmed down, I practiced with him how to ask the teacher to review the grading.  This helped him realize that he could ask the right questions.  So, he bravely marched to school the next day and did the unthinkable and spoke with his teacher.  She changed two of the four grades and my son learned lessons about taking responsibility and talking with adults.”

When you determine who is responsible for talking with a teacher or coach, you need to keep in mind that there is a natural imbalance in the relationship between the adult and child because the adult holds all of the authority cards.  There are some issues that cannot be resolved within an unbalanced relationship so parents need to intercede to create a more level playing field to discus an important issue.