Parenting Children's Talents

Using Deadlines To Motivate Children

As parents, we have all witnessed our children getting very motivated to practice, complete a task or project when the deadline was immediately upon them.  While watching children wait until the last minute to get something done can drive parents crazy, the following summarizes a recent study that explains why approaching deadlines are a part of our natural motivation system.  After reading the following summary, you should think of ways you can use deadlines at home to get children to be more motivated and appreciate what they have.  Also, please post your comments about how you use deadlines to motivate your children.

Making the most of it: Study reveals motivating factor of deadlines

From EurekaAert, January 12, 2009

It is common knowledge that when something becomes scarce, its value goes up. This concept does not just apply to material goods—time can be an extremely valuable commodity, especially when it is in short supply. According to a new study, thinking that we have a limited amount of time remaining to participate in an activity makes us appreciate the activity that much more and motivates us to make the most of it.

Psychiatrist Examines Effects Of Video Game Play On Children

Parents often ask me what type and duration of video game play is appropriate for children compared to the time they spend on school work, talents and hobbies.  So, I have posted a summary from Medical News Today about a new book regarding the effects of video game play on children by psychiatrist Dr. Kourosh Dini.

From Medical News Today, January 13, 2009

Since the advent of faster game consoles, more realistic artwork and longer game play, two things have occurred in the video game market: it has grown into a record $1.7 billion industry, and the heated debate among the media, parents' groups, law makers, and game companies, over what effect videos games have on children - has gotten even hotter.

A new book, Video Game Play and Addiction: A Guide for Parents (iUniverse) aims to clarify both sides of the controversy, while offering the definitive assessment of video games' impact on children, including on their physical and emotional health, and educational and social development.

Memory Improved 20% by Nature Walk

New study finds that short-term memory is improved 20% by walking in nature, or even just by looking at an image of a natural scene.

From PsyBlog

I'm sitting in front of the computer and I've been working too hard for too long without a break. My brain feels like it's filling with wet cardboard. In fact what I'm doing isn't writing any more, it's just typing. I go to the kitchen, stand there for a moment, can't remember what I've come in for, feel foolish, then eat a biscuit.

It doesn't help.

Time for a walk. But where to? Perhaps into town to pick up some supplies, or maybe the other way, towards the park and the river?

Most of us are aware that a quick walk around the block does wonders for the mind. But what a new study reveals is that if you want to come back with your brain power enhanced, the scenery en route really matters.

Kids’ Coping Styles: Keeping Your Kids’ Coping Styles In Mind When Supporting Talents

When your daughter faces a disappointment, does she give-up or get motivated to work harder?  When you scold your son for hitting his little brother, does he deny it happened even though you saw him do i?

We all have ways of coping with life’s ups and downs.  Coping styles are very natural ways we protect and motivate ourselves.  No matter how old someone is, they have developed certain ways of coping with problems and frustrations.  As children experiment and practice new talents in school, sports and the arts, they can experience more pressure and face challenges that seem overwhelming.  Regardless of how large or small the challenge, children usually turn to their parents for support, guidance, and perspective. 

To be an effective supporter, parents need to first consider their child’s unique coping style.  By doing so, you can adjust your parenting based on how you think your child will react to a situation based on their style of coping.

The following are four different types of coping styles that have been researched by Steven Greer and his colleagues in England and described in the book Comprehensive Cancer Care.  See if you can identify how you and your children use any or all of these styles when faced with challenges.

• Fighting Spirit: Children accept the problem, adopt an optimistic attitude, and see the problem as a challenge.

• Positive Avoidance: Children either deny or minimize the problem by adopting an attitude of “positive avoidance.”  They avoid thinking or talking about the problem and want to get on with their lives.

• Stoic Acceptance: Children acknowledged their problem but avoid dealing with it, and are resigned, fatalistic and believe there is nothing that can help.

• Helplessness and Hopelessness:  Children are completely overwhelmed by the problem and their life is completely disrupted by it.  They experience constant anxiety and do little to improve their mood or general well-being.

Share Your Stories

Let us know your stories about how your children cope with problems when learning new things and how you react as a parent.  We look forward to hearing your stories and advice.

Burnout Problem: When Specializing Becomes To Diverse

I was sitting in my office after a client session the other day wondering why so many of my recent high school clients were experiencing such high levels of burnout and stress.  Many of them are involved with developing a wide variety of talents and interests, and have supportive parents.  But there they sat, telling me how tired, bored, and uninterested they were in continuing the development of the many talents and interests they honed to advanced levels.

As I scanned their faces in my head, I realized that they had one thing in common.  We hear a lot these days about kids specializing in a talent, sport or art too early and for too long.  My clients were not singular specialists, however.  They were multiple specialists, which was part of their problem. 

While exploration and experimentation is very important for broad learning, my clients and their parents took exploration to a high level of specialization in every area.  This resulted in students addressing every part of their life--sports, interests, clubs, subjects, volunteer activities-- with the same significant focus and specialization.  Instead of harnessing their energy to specialize in one or two talents and multi-task at a surface level in other parts of their life, they were encouraged to specialize and be as perfect as possible in everything.

Being involved with a lot of activities and interests was less of the problem for my clients than the way they drove themselves to be the expert, the best, well liked, and a master in all activities.  In short, their natural drive was to become a specialist in everything they did.  This expectation also floated around them from teachers, coaches, parents, and college admissions officers.

To reclaim a healthier, less stressful life, these students need to prioritize how they spend their energy and overcome the belief that they need to be perfect specialists in everything.  They need to say “No” more often, or say they will get involved in some activities on a part-time or at a cursory level.  By reducing the stress, anxiety and burnout of having to be specialists in all parts of their lives, they will be more relaxed, have more integrated thinking, and learn how to set boundaries.

What are your thoughts?

What are your experiences, ideas and thoughts?  Please share them to help others.  And remember, you don’t have to be perfect or a specialist in your ideas and opinions.

Parent As Advocate: How to become your own expert to help your children

When children struggle learning in school, sports or the arts, parents may hire experts to help.  While children should learn how to manage their relationships with the experts, parents need to monitor how well the experts are doing.  This can be challenging because parents are not experts in those field, but there are some simple steps you can take to become more of an expert yourself.

First, parents should read and talk with other people about the field in which the expert is helping the family.  The more you understand the basics about the expert’s field and approaches, the better you can ask the right questions and evaluate progress.

Second, parents should not abdicate their responsibility to experts.  Ask the expert questions about what they are doing and why, without being judgmental or overly intrusive, and get involved if appropriate.  This will help you learn even more about the field and techniques being used.

Third, parents should learn from the experts the techniques they can use at home with their child to practice between sessions. This homework is a great way for parents and children to work together and deepen their relationship.  Parents also learn techniques they can use with their children for years to come.

Finally, based on children’s age and maturity, parents can help them understand the “why” behind what the expert is asking them to do, instead of blindly following instructions.  The more children understand how and why a process helps them, the more they can start becoming their own experts and empowered as individuals just like their parents.

To learn more about being an effective advocate for your children, you can buy a special workbook that explains how parents can nurture their children's talents in age-appropriate ways at A Talented Mind Store.

Consistent Parent Advocacy: Importance of staying consistent as an advocate for your children

Being an effective advocate for children’s talents or disabilities requires parents to be consistent with their support.  Research has shown that, beyond genes, intensive practice over the years is the most important contributor to children and adults developing a talent to the highest level possible.  Studies have found that it takes about ten years of practice to develop an expertise.  Therefore, parents need to be strong advocates for their children’s talent development by helping them maintain the discipline needed.  This requires parents to be consistent in their support and advocacy.

All parents have stories about how they “run out of gas” at times and are not always consistent in helping their children stay on course.  While parents want children to eventually be self-reliant when working toward a goal, most children will choose the path of least effort if given their own choice.  Developing a talent requires children to move through three levels of mastery, each requiring greater demands on their abilities, time, focus and energy.  These three levels also require parents to be consistent advocates and supporters of their children over many years.

Stage one is called Exploration during which children experiment to find the talents they enjoy.  Their first instructors are often their parents or a local expert.  Stage two is called Precision during which children develop their talent to a level that requires more advanced training.  This stage usually requires a new, more advanced instructor, with parents maintaining a watchful eye and providing structure at home to practice.  Stage three is called Personalization during which more advance techniques at professional schools are taught and children form their identities around their talent.  Parents continue to provide the emotional and financial support needed but are even more removed from the child’s instruction.

While children move through these stages over many years, parents need to stay consistent in their advocacy and support.  Behind every talented performer is a supportive, healthy family that helps the child remain consistent by providing unwavering support and encouragement.

To learn more about being an effective advocate for your children, you can buy a special workbook that explains how parents can nurture their children's talents in age-appropriate ways at A Talented Mind Store.

Tip For Parent Advocates: Know how strongly you identify with your children

Like other social groups in which parents belong, the family can be a place you receive fulfillment and support for being a member.  Parents develop their social identities from being a part of a family, similar to identifying with groups in religion, politics, sports and nationalities.  To be an effective advocate for their children’s talents and disabilities, parents need to understand how strongly they identify with their children’s accomplishments and how it effects their advocacy.

People integrate their personal identities with their social identities.  Their self-esteem can also be linked to the accomplishments of a larger group such as their family.  This is part of a natural drive we have to bond as humans.  It is an important reason why many parents have strong personal connections to their children’s accomplishments and experiences.

Problems can occur when parents do not know when their personal identities end and their children’s identities begin.  They cannot separate their children’s successes and failures from their own.  This is similar to sports fans who feel bad for days after their team loses a playoff game.  While the fans did not play directly in the game, their social identity with the team is so strong that they take the loss personally.

When supporting your children, you need to be aware of how you identify with the outcomes of their performance and personal qualities.  The more you personally identify with outcomes, the more you will want to  control situations for them.  Ultimately, you need to determine what is appropriate parental involvement with your children based on their needs, not your own.  This will help you become the most effective advocate possible for your children.

To learn more about advocating for your children, you can buy a special workbook for parents about how to nurture your children's talents in age-appropriate ways at A Talented Mind Store.

Parent Advocacy: How to manage experts who instruct your children

Before the twentieth century, experts in the community where primarily crafts people and farmers.  They grew or made things that people used each day to survive.  As education became more available and industries moved from the industrial to information age, experts now predominately provide information and analysis. 

Today there is an expert around every corner who wants to diagnose, train, teach, coach and guide your children.  Being an expert has become big business, especially when it comes to giving advice to parents and children.  Children today receive more help from experts in more areas of their lives than anytime in history.

As parents strive to help their children grow and prosper, they may need expert help in education, health, sports, and careers.  However, there is one phenomena about experts that has not changed in thousands of years.  Some experts want to keep their work very technical and hard for others to understand because it keeps them in control and keeps others dependent on them.  This can help the expert potentially receive more admiration and money.

You will know these experts when you walk away from a meeting about your child and still don’t understand the heart of the matter.  You will know them when you are in a diagnostic session that is filled with jargon only the expert understands. This disconnect is two sided.  First, the expert is not doing everything possible to educate and empower the parents.  Second, parents are too quick to abdicate responsibility to the expert and lack the assertiveness needed to ask key questions.  To help you effectively manage experts, the following are four tips you can follow. 

First, when you hire an expert, you are choosing both the person and the expertise.  You and your children need to feel comfortable at a personal level.  Assuming the expert is competent, his or her ability to relate to you and your children will have the greatest effect on your success.

Second, you should ask to see an example of the end result of the experts’ work.   You can ask to see sample reports, talk with other parents and children, or watch the expert in action.  Look for how easy reports are to understand, and how well the expert fosters passion in children to learn.  Effective experts are likely to be good communicators and empower children and parents.

Third, remember that you are the expert about your children.  You should assure that the expert you hire understands your opinions if needed.  You can help the expert also see your child as a whole person not as a singular talent or disability.

Fourth, if you have an expert assess a child, he or she should be as impartial as possible.  Most experts who provide assessments have services to address specific problems and do not deliberately use an assessment to only sell follow-on services or products.  However, there are some experts who do misuse assessments to convince parents that their child needs the expert’s services and will shape the assessment to sell rather than diagnose.

By following these tips, you can get the most out of experts who can provide great value to your children’s growth, learning and talents.  

To learn more about being an effective advocate for your children, you can buy a special workbook that explains how parents can nurture their children's talents in age-appropriate ways at A Talented Mind Store.

Parents As Child Advocates: How to become a strong advocate for your children

One afternoon your daughter comes home from her third grade class and gives you a note from her teacher requesting a conference.  You immediately feel blood rush to your head as you ask your daughter if she did anything wrong.  When you talk to the teacher over the phone, you get a friendly reception and the assurance that the conference is about something positive.

While sitting in a tiny school room chair the next day, you learn from the teacher that your daughter shows advanced ability in math and you discuss how her talent can be developed.  Back at home, your mind starts planning next steps but you quickly run into a roadblock.  Your daughter tells you that she does not want other kids to know she is good at math because they might not like her if she appears too smart. You scratch your head wondering what just happened and how you should react.

This is the complex world of parents being advocates for their children’s unique talents or disabilities.  Similar stories come from families with children who have learning disabilities or behavior problems.  Parent advocacy can be more challenging when a child has an inefficiency in learning or behavior that requires other adults to be more sensitive, understanding and adaptive as instructors.

Parents must assure that other adults and institutions provide the support their children need to be successful.  As advocates, parents need to play the middle ground between two extremes: one being an inactive bystander and the other being overly controlling.  This middle ground requires judgment calls about what is appropriate to assure that your children get the support they need from others.

Parents begin learning how to be advocates for their children by relying on their instincts and day-to-day experiences.  Some parents become highly effective advocates over time, while others cannot adapt.  Over the years, parents have learned many techniques to be effective advocates for their children.  They have shared their stories around kitchen tables and at bus stops.  This week's blog postings explain some of the lessons learned about being an effective advocate for your children’s growth, learning, and talents.

To learn more about being an effective advocate for your children, you can buy a special workbook that explains how parents can nurture their children's talents in age-appropriate ways at A Talented Mind Store.